eyedrops

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eyedrops 4

mad
Mar 29
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  ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ 𓂂 ₒ ° ҉   ˚。⋆ 0𓏧҉ ◌  ˚。⋆ .゜・゜ ҉ .. ◌ °.ㅇㅇ。 𓂂

the cleanliness of resetting. empty stomach, empty body, empty mind, anything goes from here onwards. my body as a transparent vessel that echos and reflects light, my body as water, as mirror, as my home, where i go back to again and again and again throughout my life to find a 0

we all know the satisfaction of newness. an empty apartment, a new account, a blank canvas, going to the spa and sweating everything out and scrubbing all your dead skin off, a simulation of rebirth, talking to someone you never met before, starting with exchanging your name, then the next fact, then the next. when you meet someone new, life can seem so possible… but time never stops and everything starts aging as soon as it begins to exist. i wonder if 0s are rarer than all the other numbers in life, bc i don’t want it to be

im curious about newness as a constant variable of life. newness as necessity. a life not about constant progress but a constant returning to the self. spirals and staircases instead of hills and ladders. sometimes becoming more settled into your body and mind is more 0 to me than changing something drastic. sometimes all it takes is telling yourself this is 0 i am 0 and here we go

can i always be 0? i always want to be refreshing to people around me, so people know i’m just there, i just exist, and they feel at ease, and anything can happen or not happen

0 is how my life starts over and over again every single moment. its how i have the curiosity to greet myself like a stranger, to remind myself of my own name and age, little facts that make me me, little facts that make me new

0 not as an excuse to start over and ignore the past, but as a practice of reminding

0 is the spaciousness you feel when you sit in a room and introduce yourself again around in a circle even when you all know each other, 0 is when you’re confronted with “… and end with an interesting fact about yourself”

0 as in “repetition is the only thing that makes something more perfect that it already is”

0 because everything i ever need, everything ill ever make has already started inside me

0 is not always a perfect circle or a perfect oblong but 0 always connects back to itself… can a ♡ be a 0

0 exists before anything else

there are infinite numbers between 0 and 1, and most of those numbers have a lot of 0s in it, for example, 0.000000000000000000000000000000002

0 is a chance to call something your own

0 is a number you can use to indicate you are ready for whats next

in 2020 gloria made 12 pouches each with beaded charm that spells out a word from a meme, i added 4 words to the end — gifting myself a start. i still lean on that phrase often, when im scrambling for an excuse for my inactions or when im kind to myself

a part of me starts to dismiss myself… “u dont deserve another start. u didnt even do anything with the last start”… but that’s kind of the point. that’s the gifting part of it. im learning to accept gifts as generously as i want to give them, accepting a gift whole heartedly is just as important as giving

you can always gift yourself a start, you deserve it even when the start is not what you imagined. that doesn’t mean you are forgiven for the past or that each 0 isn’t contextual, it just means that starting new is as much of a practice of forgiveness and organization as it is a simple necessity to keep living

you might start and nothing will change, you might start and everything will change. you might start and get nowhere, you might start and end up back at the start. once you accept that starts have nothing to do with change, nothing to do with finishing, that’s when you become free to start over and over and over again fearlessly

0 doesn’t mean change is coming, 0 just means you’re here right now

00:00,
mad

i wrote all this awhile ago and when i read it again i started to think of all the situations in which people start over and over again by throwing others away due to their fear of honesty. narcissists, serial bridge burners, people who dont change, people who dismiss their shortcomings in the name of newness. so i’d like to add
0 is looking yourself in the eye
i dont want use 0 as an excuse to be avoidant about who i am. the prerequisite to a beautiful 0 is total honesty and acceptance of where you are   ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ 𓂂 ₒ ° ҉   ˚。⋆ 0𓏧҉ ◌  ˚。⋆ .゜・゜ ҉ .. ◌ °.ㅇㅇ。 𓂂
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Nicole Shao
Apr 25

hi im so glad I can read this sort of content from you, sometimes I like to read your posts just to calm me down and help me reset. thanks! I sort of look up to you based on how you present yourself online but you seem like a great and introspective person. keep doing what you do and many like me will deeply appreciate you :)

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Nicole Shao
Apr 25

hi im so glad I can read this sort of content from you, sometimes I like to read your posts just to calm me down and help me reset. thanks! I sort of look up to you based on how you present yourself online but you seem like a great and introspective person. keep doing what you do and many like me will deeply appreciate you :)

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